Burning Down the Fort Collins

Today we turn our way back machine to the gradually intensifying bikesexual outpost of Ft. Collins. If you were repopulating the United States with bikesexuals we might assume one would start on the West Coast and spread across the planet like a joyously liberated plague of happy-go-fucky, DIY space elves. And while Salt Lake has generated vastly more bikesexual energy than would otherwise be expected the Rockey Mountains are quite formidable and the plains that follow are quite... plain. After Ft Collins you don't get much support until you hit Kansas City which only properly came into the bikesexual fold last Spring.

Initially the FoCo provided a significant challenge of its own. With grounded institutions like Tour d Fat and other diversions the brutal work of daily bikesexual intifada seems silly. The drivers are often polite (compared to other places in Colorado) the people are pretty liberated and have a lot of opportunities to be playful in the streets so maybe Bike Smut is not really needed there.

We saw there was a general appreciation of the ideas inherent to Bike Smut, although there was more than the expected amount of intimidate concern when a person found out that pornography could be blended with bicycles. Still we assumed that with the proper amount of lubrication we could relax this small town's over clenched sphincter.  We just didn't know how much social lube it would take.

The answer: a fuckload

That was a cold night but the kegs did keep us somewhat warm considering all the nudity and our support of another nonprofit that refused to accept our help. No matter, when it comes to raising awareness we are always on display.

coincidentally this is at least the 3rd time we have used this image on bikeporntour.blogspot.com so if ever anyone was gonna owe some naked people money it would def be 350.org

 The years went on and we found ourselves playing shows at university rooms there were mysteriously, and conveniently made available to us and for a couple years a nonprofit tool sharing group called HammerTime! It was up for a few years but the nature of organizing people into sharing stuff is not very profitable, alas. Then when Bike Smut was really kicking filmmaker ass with bigger name directors and people spending actual money on producing some impressive fucking art we had no venues left! All was dire until a place we had given up on years before started returning our calls. Like us they had been doing the hard work of sharing independent film for many years and now we were finally able to make the connection. Presenting one of the finest micro cinemas in the west:

The Lyric Cinema Cafe!

For 3 years they have hosted our film festival, never mind the  burden we place on each other because we are both so fucking independent! We make it work because it is worth it to have quality DIY artistic expressions of sexuality and mobility made available in an excellent, comfortable venue.

Plus they have great beer. Wont you join us?

Tuesday November 11th 
Lyric Cinema Cafe 
300 E Mountain Ave
9:30 pm - with live performance
$10 - less if you ride your bike or are a member.   Get tickets now!
Its a really great venue! Save yourself some money and join up!

This is the last screening of Bike Smut in Ft. Collins. So it is likely that this is the last time you will be encouraged to get naked, lie on the freezing ground and form a giant "350" in order to bring attention to how many days of the year we are expected to wear pants.
We have scheduled 3 of our 4 Colorado shows. Only Boulder is left, waiting in the lurch. What will happen?

Sing our swan song, Lyric!

Happy BikeFucking Halloween

Its time for our never before annual punnishment post, where we make lots of lame jokes by replacing our normal vocabulary with phrases like, "Good as Ghoul" and ... eh actually no we don't need any sort of holiday to make talking like an idiot more appropriate because we do that kinda think nearly every time we post.


Given that we are coming up on a return to Colorado with screenings in Denver, Ft Collins, Boulder and Colorado Springs in November and that it is another political season it seemed appropriate to share some of our back log of exciting images from years past. Prepare your saddle for our way in the back machine as we travel to this date in 2008!


Seven years ago we had a plucky crew of reverend phil, Josh and Spencer aka Team Twink traversing the US Southwest on a mountain-bike-polo-porno-adventure. Politics were in high season. John McCain and Sarah Palin were on a similar wavelength: go to Colorado and convince people that we are not only amusing to listen to, we also have some really valuable ideas on politics.  It would seem Bike Smut was a little more successful than McCain/Palin 08.



 So it was that we would ride bikes with some of the finest, most creative mtn bike freaks on earth in the town of Durango, Colorado

perhaps a modified Gumby Twink costume...



hella political... no matter what year it is

The sweet babes were naturally drawn to our casual, pornographer-about-small-town ways

naturally, a photoshoot broke out

baldness became fashionable

The Rally of the Dead became a full on rolleskater disco

occasionally bursts of romance would burst like so many popping veins

notice the cross of Bicycle Jesus. For formal occasions only.

way before Twilight there was... a delightful bloody mess

some asshole parked on the dance floor. It probably wasn't us!

 roll up and grind down

an epic story about this, Baily's frame should be documented. but not here. Suffice it to say if you know where it is buried you could grave rob a sweet frame.

more responsible consumption continued throughout the following day and night

We never did actually check this person's ID. prb for the best that we didn't

An impressive assortment of boning happened on the award table

 the following day was a lot of bike polo, played on grass, right in the middle of town

grass polo... its a thing, especially in Colorado

nothing would stop us from standing and observing others.

we do suffer for the art... well someone does anyway.

Presenting the team that traveled the farthest to loose a polo game on grass: The Pork Barrels

free hugs?

So here is where we wish you a Happy Halloween. Also something about politics and a cute play on words to make this entire blog post seem well thought out.


- the end

Colorado BikeSexual Conclusion

Bike Smut has been visiting Colorado since our first year and every city (Denver, Boulder, Ft Collins and Colorado Springs) has been good and/or challenging to Bike Smut from year to year. For example during our very visit to Denver, Gabe, our bravest tourista was riding his customized minibike on the extra slippery skate park and in a terrifyingly casual, comical slip and crash he broke his femur at the hip. Thinking he had dislocated his hip he requested we try and yank his leg back into place. For hours we tore at his body, Lost Jeff on his arms and RevPhil at his feet, pulling with all out might and ripping his body to shreds as the bone cut and pinched the inflamed area around his broken leg bone.

Sexy!

This surface is too safe to walk on, much less bike on

After it started to snow the skateboarders began to heckle us to call a fucking ambulance already. We, the survivors rode along the rive bike path to meet him at the the hospital where we found a car had flipped over the embankment, causing a traffic jam and stalling the ambulance.

Ironic!

In our second year we let the locals take the beating. A BDSM trio pierced and hung cogs and other bike parts from a young bearded man with nice tattoos. Then one girl held him while the other beat him lovingly/savagely with tubes, tires, tools and a heavy and immensely painful brake cable flogger.

Sexy!

Just before we took part in a "desa-crat" obscene-poses-with-public-art-photo-scavenger bike race. I think we were "extra winners."

Hilarious!

"Tea-Bagging the broom is OK"

Year three we were facing a freezing snow storm and also overlapping with our not so smutty rivals, the Bicycle Film Festival

Frigid!

But our team of artists manipulated some of their posters and a local volunteered to be bound and suspended during the show.

Sexy!

And so it continued up until last year when an excellent local journalist wrote a story about us for Vice Magazine. Now we are in our 9th and final time in Colorado and although in the EIGHT prior years we never received a single submission from Colorado this year we have not one, not two BUT THREE separate films from Denver artists! In short means this is gonna be one of the best shows and parties of the year.

Sunday November 8
Voodoo Comedy Playhouse
1260 22nd Street
7 & 9 pm - TWO SHOWS!
Tickets are available now $8 advance, $10 at door
Live performances from Reecy Pontiff, a team of solid gold roller skaters, and the dorkiest, SciFi choke-out or make-out battle of all time! 
Limited Seating, 18+, FB event



ONE NIGHT ONLY! FREE PRIZES!

Venue theater, bar, and restrooms are all wheelchair accessible and located on the 1st floor.
Please contact any of the hosts directly with private questions, needs, or concerns.

 but that's not all.

FRIDAY NIGHT BIKESEXUAL ALLEYCAT RACE 

• 6pm Registration will be at Governor's Park (8th and Logan) s
• 7pm Race start!
• Prizes will be awarded to Most Overall Points, First Women, First Men, and Best Costume.
• $5 to enter. No bag or lock required but you will need a camera!
• After party shenanigans with a keg of New Belgium beer.
• ALL BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU! 

 

Tuesday Nov 10th at the Lyric Cinema in Ft. Collins 


Photos (above) via Gabriel Amadeus and Josh Neverfindme
Stills (below) from Do Bicycle Dream of Electric Humans, The Purple Ladies and Orgasmatronics

Bonus Burning Sensation

BONUS BURNING SCREENING!

We are about to enter Burning Man (its this place where people fuck bikes for fun and not profit, so its a little strange for us) and we have a lot of excited people to share our totally unique art with. So much so that we have added a show on Wednesday night!

Wednesday night

Bike Camp

Black Rock City

One of only two opportunities to enjoy Bike Smut at Burning Man

Crafy Handmade Fetish Ware

Last year we showed an amazing film (a couple actually) from Montreal. In Brazen Saddles, an all female bike gang tore around the city, going wherever their hearts desired. They lured and captured a bike cop and then the audience was oft heard to scream, "Fuck the Police!"

In this amazing movie the gang all wore handmade bike tube and tire vests that looked stunning. Many people would ask about the vests after the show. Finally you can own your own piece of bikesexual fetish ware made by real Montreal bikesexuals, Oxyd Creations!





Bike Smut is proud of the hand crafted wares made by our filmmakers and community. Its rare that such items can be made available to the general community. Below is the creator's description of her handmade bike tube harness.

This adjustable, vegan strap-on harness is made with love for our beautiful queer community.

I designed this harness after feeling frustrated with a lack of affordable, eco-friendly, and quality harnesses available on the market. The harness is lined with soft black felt, which overlaps onto the front so the edges are all soft as well. There is a cotton canvas between the felt and the bike tube exterior to make the harness more solid. And the exterior is made from recycled bike tubes, from Montreal's bicycle co-ops. The tubes are easy to clean, and the straps, which are bare tube against the skin, grip well to your curves while still being soft and comfortable. I thought I would need to line the adjustable straps with felt too, and was surprised to find that the tubes felt great against bare skin.

The harness can be adjusted to fit any size - there are adjustment rings in the front and back. The straps are really long - you can cut them shorter when your harness arrives, or wear them tucked in, as pictured in the first photo. If you usually wear XS size pants, I will ask you for your exact measures, just in case I have to make the harness a little smaller.
Your toy is held in place with a silver o-ring in front, which is easily removable with snaps. The harness comes with two sizes of rings - 3.9cm and 5.2cm (inner diameter). 

The back of the harness is decorated with recycled bike chain and a gear - if you'd prefer not to have this detail, I can leave it out. It adds weight, but isn't sharp.

And finally! This harness can be turned upside down and worn as a bad-ass underbust corset top, as shown in the last photo. What I'm really hoping for is that someone bolder than me will wear this on a night out, and then when that cute person you've been eyeing all night compliments your sexy top, you invite them home to show them what else it can do.

Bike Smut advocating for commercial products? What will happen next? 

EVERYONE HAS SWEET BIKE SEX, THATS WHAT!

 

 Oxyd Creations. Strap one one tonight!

Melting Rubbers - Burning Men

What desiccates and desecrates all at once? A massive alkaline desert packed with 70,000 carousers!

For 29 years people have left the comfort of their homes to eek out and share the art of suffering together in one of the least hospitable places on earth. Bike Smut has been invited to go every year of its existence and finally, on our final year we are making it happen!

we dont understand the evolution of tallbikes at Burning Man, but we are trying

For the first time for the last time we give bikesexual satisfaction to Black Rock City

Wednesday September 2nd

     Bike Camp 

Thursday September 3rd
Tender Hecklers Porch camp
9:15 and "A" Street

It is possible that another group will step forward and demand a screening but because we show (gasp! Pornography!) all the people who would normally want to help us are terrified that the Nevada police will show up.

BUT THE PRESENTATION OF BIKE SMUT IS NOT ALL WE ARE WORKING ON IN BRC!

We are proud to be loaning our creative juices to a new art project encouraging more safe sex practices! Behold the Emerald Phallus!

Give them money! Give them art! Give them your genitals to protect against the ravages of an uncaring planet! You can thank them and us later.


Q: HOT CUNT! What is it good for?
A: Melting Rubbers - Burning Men

Seattle! Fight for your fucking future!

Seattle is a city of impressive futuristic tendencies:

the Space Needle, the computer software, the wall to wall Starbucks, the overpriced housing market,  the stream of people who commute for two or more hours twice a day between Everett and Tacoma...

 We can do better. Seattle its time to abandon the ways of yesteryear and step into...

THE BIKESEXUAL FUTURE

It connects our sexuality & mobility to the future of our species. 

How can I use power tools and hydraulics to get on and get off bikes? Will there be a singularity? How will we cope after the carpocolaypse? Can squirters solve the looming water shortage? Where is my alien 4-way orgy and can I get Captain PrickHard to sign my boobs? Is this really the last screening in Seattle?!?

All these questions and more will be answered. But just as before there are no DVDs and the movies are not online. The only way to see Science Friction is to be there when it happens live

ONE NIGHT ONLY!

• Sunday, August 9
• 7:00 PM – 9:30 PM 
• Center for Sex Positive Culture ~ Main Space
• 1602 15th Ave. W
• $10 at the door, $7 if you ride a bike. Advance discounts available.
• open to anyone aged 18+
• FREE indoor bicycle parking
• with live performances and rare handmade bikeseuxal crafts for sale
• sponsored by the Center for Sex Positive Culture
• https://fetlife.com/events/365264 connect with some kinky people!
• https://www.facebook.com/events/1444857485838507/ connect with some facecracky people!
• http://thefspc.org/event/bike-smut-2015/?instance_id=12957124 connect with some tickets and sex community!

This workshop is produced by the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture, producer of the Seattle Erotic Art Festival. Our mission is to promote the many ways sex is beneficial through education, outreach, the arts, advocacy, and research programs that serve the public.

Come Again, Canada... One Last Time

We are back in Vancouver BC with our final screening of

Bike Smut 8: Come Again!

 

Due to travel schedules we had to postpone this screening until July; Vancouver demanded to share the amazing videos from Montreal, Oakland, Chicago, Phoenix and San Palo one last time!

Thursday July 23  
The Rio Theatre - 1660 E Broadway

• 9:00 - doors open music from Nicky Ninefingers, ride the spank bike, browse merch, and porn comix!
• 9:20 - Performance from The Creaking Planks
• 9:40 - Bike Smut 8: Come Again - Movies and performance
• 11:00 - Q&A, Nicky Ninefingers turns you out
• You must be 19 years or older to enter. Get advance tickets now!
  
  

 Enter the bikesexual way back machine. It is Bike Summer 2001 in Vancouver BC, aka The Summer of VeloLove! An event that rallied all of the self mobilized people of the city to see themselves as more than just a smart mode of transport. They were a people; and they had a voice.

14 years later most of Vancouver has changed! Many parts are uber clean, with brand new condos and sports facilities and barely a trace of the homeless and or native population that has been ousted from their vigil of protesting the Winter Olympics among other actions that exasperate the wealth gap.

Its hard to believe how far Canada has come. 10 years ago BC were all about decriminalized marijuana, affordable health care and gay marriage for everyone. Now that the US is coming on board with these ideals Canada seems to want to move on as if they were bad ideas.

Looking back at the past that could have been is a fun way to pass the time. But It is time we looked forward to that epic time where bikes liberate minds and bodies from their otherwise contained space and we have a proper bikesexual intifada!