A call out for some extra dirty cycling

Last year we had such an impressive turnout that we decided to hold a repeat screening of the program. It was remixed to include a short by Gus Van Sant staring Flea singing and strutting around.

Once again we sold out the Clinton Street Theater and once again we will strive to create a marvelously humptastic swan song.

Coming out of the theater people's eyes were bright with joy and excitement. But there was something more... many participants felt that given the opportunity they would have made more sexualized, more exploitative bike movies. These cocky fucking bike zealots need a stage to share their art! So, in the spirit of openness (as well as put-up-or-shut-up-ness) we present your opportunity to make it quick and dirty.

Bikexploitation Redux
submit by July 21st 2008

That is approximately one month from this original posting. After that you will have to put up with molesting your bike in private.

"Pass my vat o' lube, the internets look appealing"

Clicky Clicky! The internerds are awash in bike porn!

Our crack staff of media whores have been out "packing the bottom brackets" of local bloggers. The world premiere of Bike Porn 2: bikexploitation is this Friday the 13th of June. The sexy bikers of Portland have stunningly high expectations of the upcoming show.

Jonathan Maus of Bike Portland and Matt Davis of The Portland Mercury were kind enough to promote our exploits in shy, perhaps even cute adherence to the "talk about porn but make sure that you provide fair NSFW warning to avoid getting your surfers fired" rule. Thanks to you both for double teaming the release of the new trailer.

If you are planing on coming out we heartily suggest that you prepare yourself for excess. That could mean consuming energy drinks ("CORE" is 10% alcohol, leaving only 90% energy?), and/or wearing a crown of leaves and a bed sheet as there is a "300" themed ride leaving from the Clinton Street Theater to the MMR directly after the show ends.

This years submissions come from a variety of places: Seattle, Santa Cruz, Columbus, Brooklyn to name a few. Thus this program is much more than just one person's idea of a cool way to spend the night. This program includes many interpretations, but there are plenty more voices that need to be heard. Start your conspiring and make something you will be proud of.

Thank you pornographers, supporters and fluffers!

Bike Porn 2 commeth in your face!

This promotional video is a collection of quotes and images from last year's show and beyond.


Click to play we me

The world premiere of Bike Porn 2: bikexploitation is Friday, June 13th at the Clinton Street Theater. Dont forget about the "300" theamed spartan/toga ride leaving from the theater to meet up with the Midnight Mystery Ride after the show.

Count Down to WNBR

Every year on one day in June in cities across the world people ride their bikes naked. (somewhat hemisphere dependent)

In Portland, Oregon we have a crack team of naked bike enthusiasts who are working to throw one hell of a party for the expected 1000 naked riders that are gonna be dancing all night long.

Victoria, FUCK YEA! ... A Bike Prom photo essay

Victoria BC feels like a biker's paradise. They got tons of happy people, mostly good weather, and an offensive amount of bike infrastructure. In fact there are so many bike trails that we didn't even see a biker for most of the 1st day. But when we saw them, we really saw them!

They came from all over Cascadia to frolic on Vancouver Island in British Columbia, Canada to enjoy the Bike Prom Weekend.

Friday kicked off with a "take a bike ride though my childhood" allycat. It was decided that people with low gear ratios (polo bikes) should stick together. Back at The Project an impressive bike art show was on display. The Bike Lab Society has been churning out art and artists for some time.

This screening of Bike Porn was accompanied by the primere of the Velo Vixens documentary. Pretty outstanding material, I hope the producer will someday make some porn for us. The crowd really could not fit into the small space so many had to simply drink in the adjacent room.

We remember rushing to a bar to make last call, then relaxing with pitchers of alcohol as the impatient servers tried to usher us out the door. Then we tried to ride each others bikes. Then we tried to not fall over. Then we tried to remember how we started bleeding so badly.

Come Saturday there were 13 randomly assigned bike polo teams for the tournament. The trophy painted gold and accompined by a bottle of tequila was offered up, but rather than being overly competitive, the game play was rather uplifting. Our team had a newbie a septuagenarian, and a pornographer. What force could possibly bring these 3 wildly different bikers together to play together?

In this case it was green label Tilt.

Alcoholic energy drinks, like Joose, Tilt and Sparks are not sold in Canada, so US citizens traveling north often trade our hyper-drunk elixir for a more local and green commodity. Many seasoned Canadians even go so far as to request it in advance. A good plan, as it can become a highly contested beverage. Perhaps the most fun thing to do is watch someone who has never tried it before go through the stages energy crunk:

• gaging
• confusion
• twitching
• anxiety
  
• "whoopwhoopwhoop"
• insomnia
• Dysteria
• suspended animation

If it seems like a lot of suck for only one stage of "whoop" you are right. But oh man, what a stage. Supposedly it makes you more charming but I think it just makes you want to take your pants off. And so our team played with no pants. And we lost! And because we were in Victoria (fuck yea!) we didn't feel like losers!

Then the ride to Bike Prom. Naturally, the goal is to look as fancy as possible while not getting anything caught in your moving parts. (Why someone has not made a movie where the long, flowing clothes of the biker are stripped off by the rude cycle is beyond me.)

Bikers are hot. They use their bodies, they often don't care if they look stupid. They can cross dress and make those lame-os who thought about x-dressing but didn't feel insecure.

At the venue we found a car had parked in the parking lot. Normally not a problem, as few of us were driving, but it turned out that the Velo Vixens needed the parking lot to perform their bike-dance interpretation of Alice in Wonderland.


Then upon closer inspection... we saw that it had this bumper sticker on it

Kinda sad really. But back in 06, when Red Bull was backing BC Homophobes they really had a good chance of going all the way.

No it turns out this was the motto of the local men's Rugby squad, who we were renting the venue from. AWKWARD

So much so that we even found this note attached to the windshield.

I met a girl who has been studying law, whose father is a lawyer, and who happens to be a self proclaimed dyke. She was so upset it nearly made us stop drinking.

It was all rather surreal. Maybe that is the part i liked about it the most. Just when you assumed that things were not going to get any stranger, bam! You've crossed a "NO BIKES!" fence @ 2am and are riding on a narrow slab of concrete 20 feet above the Straight of Juan de Fuca. (ala the James Breakwater)

We also learned a special phrase: "Knaepe Cykler" is how you say "fuck bikes" in Norway (was it Sweden?). (it kinda sounds like neh-PAY SUE-claw) Be sure to share that with all your northern land friends.

Most photos by Tom and Kelsey who are kind and sexy and have yet to find a boundary they wont push.


We did not fall off this sea wall. Although we did notice a rather strange signal pattern on the US Coast Guard's beacon light.

Sexual violence among bikes and bikers

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. An awkward time for pornographers. Being on the supply side of sex culture usually feels great! But there is a lot of silence about the other side.

In Pittsburgh we were criticized for our lack of warning regarding the graphic nature of some of the movies.

A debate ensued. We asked them and we'll ask you. What is the proper way to explain to an audience the graphic content they are about to watch? It is far to easy to just say, "Its bike porn. It's about bicycles and pornography" and leave it at that.

The matter is more complicated. Pornography comes in lots of flavors, from vanilla to snuff. So too does our program of sexual bike movies span a wide spectrum. On the more vanilla side you have an audience heckling for sex, and on the other hand you have an audience disturbed by the surreal nature of hardcore bike fucking. So what way should we brace the audience?

Consider that as your are making your films. The deadline is only days away. May 7th. Do it faster, harder, better.

Well April is not over yet. The Portland Women's Crisis Line has just one more event happening this coming week: Confronting Sexual Violence in the Workplace
7pm Liberty Hall, 311 N Ivy

We hope to be there. Maybe some other "industry" types will also benefit from learning what employers and unions can do to prevent it the wrong kind of sexual violence.

The difference between appropriate positive sexual reinforcement for your bike,
and scary discomfort is not always easy.

what ho! a bike porn film festival!?!?

Some highlights from a year of sharing bike porn:

Presenting 24 short movies from 6 west coast cities

The videos range from 8 minuets at its longest down to less than 10 seconds

22 screenings in some of the most famous venues in cinema:

• Roxie in SF
• Musicbox in Chicago
• Byrd in Richmond

Bringing together 1000s of horny bikers across North America.


AND STILL THEY ARE HUNGRY FOR MORE!

So now is your chance to give them more. The Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation EXTENSION!

You have been given more time to dream up, document, edit, (then edit more) and turn into us a final product you feel is worthy of the historic trashy endeavor.

Make it dirty and make it fast cause on May 7th if I dont have it in my hand you will be too late!

SLC gives up the goods

The ubombers at SaltCycle.com made a video of the Bike Porn weekend in Salt Lake City.

The first half is pictures from the Minibike Escola, where adults prevent kids from using their playground for hours. We personally asked a little girl to be escorted off the park by Officer Tallbike (also pictured).

It also shows the warehouse where 150 sexy bikers showed up for the screening. As well as the gold sprints, which dominated the rest of the night.




Salt Lake City must have been well primed for the bike love, we already have had 2 promises of bikexploitation videos made from them! Get your submissions in soon.

home, humpy home

Any homecoming feels great. Finding the comfort that was lost while one was away... reconnecting with bikes and riding friends.

Portland we missed you. But it was grand to come home to such fucking bicycle beauty. Filmed by Bike, Portland's original homegrown bike movie festival held it down in impressive style. What organizational mastery. 1000s of bikers yelling and drinking and showing off the goods all weekend long at the Clinton St Theater.

It means something special to us that so many 1st time filmmakers are pushing the envelope. What saucy upstarts!

Speaking of starting up with the sauce,
our favorite drinking club with a biking problem is on the verge of hosting another bike movie festival

The Dead Baby Bikes International Independent Film Festival, or DBBIIFF (pronounced deh-BEH-ff, we think) is Thursday, May 1st. If you are in Seattle sick around an extra day and join the monthly "first Friday" club ride on the 2nd.

We hope more people will step up to help define what "bike porn" is for our community this coming season. The early deadline is rapidly approaching. Contact us if you are making something.

photo credit bikeportland.org

BikePorn2: call for enteries

April 15th, the "softpack" deadline for Bikexploitation is upon us!

Maybe you are a sexy biker, or know of a sexy biker that you would like to exploit. Consider creating a short video on the theme, "bikexploitation".

This is the call for entries, please note: not all bike porn is taking seats up rectums!

Not that we are opposed to people literally interpreting the term, "entries" but you should know that Bike porn can manifest in many forms. Consider the decisive nature of steering, or the delicate way your pom poms float in the breeze, how brutally you dominate those pedals, driving each of them further and further. There are a multitude of manners by which to derive ones sexual gratification from a bike but have you considered how many ways to deliver such gratification to your bicycle?

Sexual liberation is a right. Claim it proudly. Stand tall with us as we say, "FUCK BIKES!"

Please don't let your feelings (or orifices) get hurt, contact us if you are making something and we will try to reserve your time slot; and please be safe.