Cycling for Vulvae

As loathe as we are to repeat the oft use phrase, "this one is for the ladies" (stemming from a disturbing experience with Color Me Badd where every song was for the ladies, in fact 5 songs into the show they actually apologized to the guys "cause the rest of these songs are pretty much all... FOR THE LADIES.")

Women love to ride. Its true, and if the small amount of research that has been done on the matter is also true, than suddenly guys have good reason to be a little jealous

...a sex researcher had a group of women (some of who suffered from something called delayed orgasm) ride a stationary bike for 20 minutes, after which they masturbated. After stimulating sympathetic outflow by riding the bike, the non-disordered were able to stimulate themselves to several orgasms each and most of the women with orgasm disorder were able to stimulate themselves to at least one orgasm.

She treats many women with orgasm disorder using the stationary bike and she has had pretty good and long-lasting results.

Pretty encouraging for all (wo)mankind.

Now for a more technical example, we present the most popular scene in "Mädchen, Mädchen"


And finally this less descriptive movie proving that filmmakers can enjoy bikes too. OH FUCK THIS LINK!

Lets get ourselves embedded!

Urban Velo, bike pimp

Urban Velo's Brad Quartuccio and Jeff Guerrero have been documenting most of the important trends affecting city bikers for years. Their stories, photos and even adds are usually dripping in so much style that it might seem overwhelming to everyday readers.

Although they are based out of Pittsburgh (PGH!) they have been fairly successful in covering lots of culture from cities all over the world.

Just this past week our own call for entries to Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound graced their fine website.

Here is hoping that there are lots of aspiring filmmakers reading and rubbing.



http://www.flickr.com/photos/bike/




heh, he said "wedge" ----------------------------->





Both Photos "mysteriously stolen" from Urban Velo's Flikr Pool.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raytracing/

Doing it the hard way (ie not on grass)

Our touring bike polo/porno team, the "Pork Barrels" have come home to find that things have not changed much in Portland hardcourt players

• Goals are still ridden though.
• Mallets are still thrown.
• Bikes still break.
• Some players are better than others
  
• And due to our work ethics (few players are willing to save $$ to travel to other polo courts) the Axels of Evil are still the best players in the world (alongside Seattle and East Van).

Instead of us having to travel anywhere, we invite you to come try your might against us. Any Sunday at Alberta Park on NE 21st and Killingsworth. And if you want a taste of some real competitive action, a tournament is in the works in early March.




And speaking of bikes breaking, this past week our crack team of photographers were on hand to capture this gem:

The guy who did this really likes his bike, so you can imagine what he would do to someone he does not like.

Tod Seelie does bikes and sex, but not at the same time.

Tod Seelie's advice on pursuing a career in photography is a guide to living doing just about any art right. You are poor, respected and (assuming the most modest of needs) you get to have the time of your life every day you live.

"Um, don’t expect to make any decent money in band photography. Do it for the love of it, and hope you can find another way to make ends meet. I will mention one thing that I get asked a lot, which is how am I able to tour with bands and focus on photography without having a day job. The answer is to keep your expenses down. Re-examine what you really need. Don’t buy new things, be resourceful, eat cheap, dumpster dive, don’t spend money at bars, don’t own a car;ride a bike instead, and when you travel either give up or sublet your room. That last one is probably my biggest one. If you don’t need a lot of money to get by you don’t need to spend a lot of time trying to earn it. Your time is all you have, and having the freedom to spend it how you please is worth a lot more in my book." -Tod Seelie

This feels similar to the Pornographer's Playbook to Touring without Bankruptcy. These are lessons that are easy to understand but hard to live by.

Tod also talks about selling work and expectations regarding sharing of images. With any luck we will be able to find out more about his feelings on image privacy and ownership of media.

Remembering Claremont

Happy 2009 from the naked bikers of Pitzer College in Claremont University.

What marvelous happy-go-fucky bike folk. While we're not sure about the effects of our screening on the other colleges of Claremont University, Pitzer made great strides in the absolution of clothing as a social function of covering ones genitals.

I pray that you have started a tradition at Pitzer College. Meanwhile, I'll work on getting the Middle East Technical University naked this spring.
- anonymous student

Presently they are still playing bike polo and eating avocados like nobody's business. As of the current date, no pregnancies have ever been caused by direct contact with a bicycle, something to remember when school work starts to cause your mind to wander.

Ghost Bikes. Not Sexy!

Fascinating about death may make teenagers and Food Batchmakers wet in their pants but why is death often considered erotic?

It is just the taboo nature? Is it finding comfort in between a new friend's legs after a wake? Is it that we frequently find naked women with weapons surrounded by a bloodthirsty horde?

The idea that bikers must have a death wish to be traveling on the streets in anything so unsafe is one of the more infuriating justifications for not feeling guilt when driving.

When it comes to cycling we at Bike Porn Industries have a more challenging time keeping death sexy. So we dont.

We do however recognize that the cycle of life includes death and humping and sometimes what you are humping can help create more life.

The point is, riding bikes is fucking sexy, and while saying things like, "the dead will ride" is pretty sweet, mostly the dead are just dead, ie not sexy.

Our friends over at Urban Velo have just released their 11th issue with a feature on Ghost Bikes. Such respect to our fallen compatriots is noble if not sobering. link to the article

why not sell out?

Frequently we are asked about our principle regarding DVD sales. We have, from time to time been very tempted to produce DVDs. But at the moment we have no plans to release any video works. We dont even make screeners for theaters (providing an additional challenge to booking venues).

Here are some excuses:

A) because while Bike Smut does create a fair amount of content, most of the works are from other filmmakers, many of whom are interested in protecting their identity. No DVDs (not even to theaters wanting to preview it) mean that there is almost no chance that their content will end up online.

B) being in a space with others watching adult-themed material (be it violent, sexual or otherwise) creates a feeling vastly different from being at home. And it is not just because you feel more comfortable masturbating in front of your computer! (public/group masturbation can be awkward but is often exciting. Build up courage by trying it in front of a mirror, or your pets).

C) the value of bringing together of people who feel mature enough to sit though something and then have the stability of mind to discuss a topic afterward is difficult to overestimate. In a society where everyone is anonymous how does anyone establish what is obscene?

...

Y) We are lazy.

I got your indecency right here!

Who defines what is appropriate for you?

More importantly (and kind implied in the last question but never mind that) Who defines what is inappropriate for you?


Well if you are are considered an Adult (a floating range between 14-21 years old depending on who you are talking to and the emancipation laws of a given state) you may be given a lot of freedom in that regard.

Have a look for at this handy guide, color coded for children!

Nevertheless there is probably a head of household/state/bike gang that you trust to make some decisions about what is/is not okay sexually. These people are always (supposed to be) looking out for the less worldly members of your country/community/bike shop. This is a tricky position to be put into for sure as the morality of the leader is thrust upon the followers. But what if the leader is really horny? What then will said leader thrust?

So is it that fucked up people are attracted to positions of power or is it that power corrupts all our god-fearing leaders or is it that we really like to see our leaders crossing lots of taboos cause it makes us feel better about our minor issues with ethics.

No matter where you live the standards you obey are community standards. Even though an external force may try to set undesirable codes of behavior for you.

We at BikeSmut LLC heartily encourage more local (if any) control. So much so that we have considered creating a modular program that could be dialed up or down.

"Cant handle watching anything penetrate an anus? No problem!"
"Fisting too much for your sensitive eyeballs? We got you covered."

Its tireless and largely thankless work. But that's the job of censors, to keep you at a safe, comfortable distance for the realities of modern bike rape

Could a future video screening include user defined content? Could a computer program infer from an audience a desire of more or less porn by way of simple cheering or jeering? Would a program like that inevitably end with terribly disturbing content or more kittens? (one in the same in this situation)

And while it is pertinent, why is it that the Agency for Cycling Ethics' website is password protected? WHERE ARE WE TO TURN NOW?

UPDATE - It seems they have removed their presence altogether. If this is a sign of the future possibly these people can help.

Mostly Unrelated to Bike Porn, Volume Uno

Avast, teh Internerds tell us about the lack of advances in the "intravaginal pouch," or female condoms:

In 1844, Charles Goodyear patented the process of vulcanizing rubber, inadvertently ushering in an entirely new era in contraception - condoms as thick as bicycle tires and still considered re-usable. But getting one’s hands on this new-fangled “technology” became a whole lot harder in 1873, when Congress passed the Comstock Law, prohibiting the transportation of obscene material like prophylactics and pornography. - http://tlrhj.wordpress.com/2008/12/12/safe-sex/

We feel better knowing that thorn proof condoms and rim strips have improved with time. The jury is still out about the effectiveness of slime, however.


How long until a anti-gay religious cult finds reason to hunt gay primates?

If it feels good, do it. That seems to be the motto of the bonobos, whose same- and opposite-sex coupling seems as casual as a Hollywood air kiss and can include oral sex, French kissing and the missionary position. For these chimplike apes, sex serves as all-purpose social lubricant. Dolphins have no such excuses for their kinky behavior: they sometimes try to mate with sea turtles. - http://://www.time.com/time/2004/sex/animals/cuttlefish.html

We're not sure when Time magazine crossed over from news journal to tabloid rag, but we are all more educated for it.

We promise some more specific humptastic bike content soon...

Home is where you hang your...

I'TS OVER!

The Bikexploitation - Westward Ho! bike porn tour has run its cycle.

Presently the sexy bikers of Eugene are still cleaning themselves up as we carry our broken bikes home to Portland.

We did 22 shows in 21 cities in 7 western states in 60 days.

We distributed 100s of bike porn shirts, shorts, stickers, patches, buttons and undies

We played polo in with crews in ten different cities (sorry Boise, next time).

We have a new appreciation for round wheels

Thanks for all the abundant and latent radness. We are terribly excited to have everyone with us who we are supposed to. We didnt have to deal with police but one single time in Tucson, as shown below.

Thankfully the officer was mostly pleasant and told us if we are gonna have that many bikes on our trunk we should attach the license plate to the outermost toptube (and attach a bike light when traveling at night).

Back in PDX things seem to have not changed much, every night something exciting is about to happen between your legs. Wednesday night polo has moved to Penisula Park. Bundle up and bring discreet adult beverages. We are hoping to release a new Bikexploitation soundtrack at Bike Craft.

Thanks for those who have followed our travels, trials and tribulations. Expect news about other fucking bike festivals and in depth investigations about chafing.