September 24, 2011

My Fucked Up Parking

Bike Smut is saved from the precipice of disaster! Just in time to launch itself once again into a gnashing pit of bikefun sexytimes in Barcelona!

The Spanish state clearly has a furious aggression towards cars. Which we heartily applaud, but most certainly not when it is applied against Bike Smut and our holy mission of propagandizing the bicycle (which unfortunately at the moment relies by necessity on our use of motorized transport). It was traumatizing enough when our tour van was towed in Madrid for improper parking, to be retrieved after 300 Euros just in time for a late start to our raucous show at the Patio Maravillas squat. But now to have our van disappeared for a second time in Spain? Truly, we are suffering. But we now have our van back, at the repeated expense of several hundred Euros, and having recovered the invaluable archives of bike porn movies contained within, we are once again fully ready with our pornographic armaments to unleash the fury of bike sex tonight.

But, besides the terror of trying to safely park in Spanish cities, these towing incidents bring up an important point: Bike Smut is not funded. When we experience calamities like these, Bike Smut pays for it out of it's own nearly-empty pockets. We rely entirely on the donations and merchandise revenue that we receive at our shows to get us from city to city and to cover the often extreme costs of long-term international touring. We depend completely on the generosity of our community of bikesexuals to keep us going, so, to prevent Bike Smut from being permanently grounded by another excessive towing fee, support the things that you love! Come to our shows, give us some love, give us some dirty filthy money, buy our handmade underwear and branded condoms, and we promise that we will keep the bike porn growing. And you can do all this just this very night!

This night in Barcelona we will be squeezing into the fixie bike shop My Beautiful Parking, address Calle de Cervantes 5, at 21.00, for a red hot bike porn show. More details can be found on crackbook or the MBP blog.

Tonight's show follows a torrid alleycat race last night across the frequently bewildering city of Barcelona, in which Bike Smut's own Liberty Sprocket secured a triumphant last place finish. He became separated from his guide in the last lengths of the race while trying to ram his bicycle through a horde of tourists and became lost in the old city, hopelessly wandering the swarming alleys for days surviving off of dumpstered donuts until he miraculously found safe haven at My Beautiful Parking. We are very thankful that he made it back alive without being elbowed to death by tourists.

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