September 17, 2013

Hop on The Porny Express!

Its here!

The Porny Express has hit the road and while we have done many shows already this smutty calendar year (in  Portland, Anchorage, Homer, Vancouver, Seattle, Salt Lake, Boulder, Denver, Ft Collins, and Minneapolis so far) now we will be doing it in the streets... WITH OUR LEGS!

Bike Smut will be Turning Trixxx no more, forever. But out of the ashes rises a John Holmes-like phoenix set to scatter the sadness from the bike porn-starved lands with our new program of human-powered erotica!

With Filmmakers from Quebec, Chicago, Gainesville, Oakland,Vancouver, Milan, Geneva, and Berlin, currently bike touring from Minneapolis to Montreal to Mexico...

It is time to hop on

The Hot, The Bold & The Foxy
A Montreal remake of The Good, The Bad & The Ugly. Incorporating high quality cinematography and the greatest western soundtrack in film history this lighthearted quest for the "sexiest bike in the west" feels absolutely epic. The three women, "The Hot, The Bold, & The Foxy," taunt each other riding and striping until as the music swells they fall into each other.

Power Up  
by Starlow Prud. 
Geneva radicals take the stage using bicycles and a remix of the Super Mario Brother's theme to "Power Up" vs the banking industry that is so notorious in Swiss culture. Gratuitous crotch shots and absurdist juxtapositioning make this hilarious political theater.

Freewheel and Fixie
by Clark Nikolai and Lee Foss
Warming up the audience for the gay action to follow, an aging bike punk in Vancouver makes lyrical love to a young fixed gear twink in "Freewheel and Fixie." Highlights include bike polo, chroma key and naked messenger action.

by  Marie-Ève Laroche
In "Vulvaline" a women remembering her earlier rides along the Montreal waterfront turns into a delicate masturbation session punctuated with an explosive orgasm. In collecting her own juices the saucy bikesexual will giver her chain the lube it needs.

Cypress Against Me
by Bill Nyhilateher
Anne Sprinkle has been touting the importance of seeing the earth as our lover, not as our mother. This viewpoint affirms the egalitarian relationship necessary to heal our planet, rather than seeing, as so many children do, their mothers as a source of endless bounty. Her inspiration has taken root in Gainesville, Florida where a gang of queer friends ride out together to explore the swamps and each other in "Cypress Against Me" The music is meant to create a transition between the hustle and bustle of city life and the calmness of hitting the trail to wander off on a swampy hike

Dick on a Bike
by Bike Smut
Our primary focus is to bring forth new voices. We don't flood the program with our in-house movies but we do give ourselves the freedom to be silly. Here we present Paul the Plumber's bike powered water cannon, installed into what looks like a giant ejaculating dick on a bike. 

The Bitchy Tutorial Series
By Gash Rouge & Officine Sfera
The program is peppered by a series of highly-styled educational shorts featuring beautiful Milano women adjusting classic Italian road bikes. With thoughtful informational text and razor-sharp editing these commercial-quality videos are startling in their style and delivery.

Brazen Saddles
by Julia
This teaser shows what happens when you have a lot of DIY, horny bikers working together to capture and present some communal bikesexuality. With scenic shots of Montreal and a plethora of young talent this movie is sure to catch your attentions. A full length movie coming to Bike Smut in 2014

Bike Bondage
by the Bondage Barber 
For the first time in Bike Smut history we get to share a new (to us and maybe you too) genera: haircut porn. A young, floppy-haired guy with a flat tire is walking his bike along a Chicago alley when he finds the Bondage Barber. He is willing to help this poor boy out by repairing his bike but he refuses money. Instead he will take his shaggy reward. Featuring light bondage and consensual non-consent this is the first video we have prefaced with a trigger warning. Read more from the director in our Filmmaker Focus 

Beaus & Arrows
by lala
Two women decide to practice their archery skills while reclaim their sexuality. A variety of sexy Phoenix bikers contribute their bodies to this love story of rediscovered female power.

We Come in Peace
by Frankensteinnnn
Talk about tight editing and high production values, these Berlin bikesexuals have made a mind-bending, sci-fi thriller! Featuring a snappy soundtrack, mass-transit bike molestation, internet-porn frustration and a "stich-n-bitch" craft session turned lesbian pillow party this video has more twists and curves than 3-piece woven handlebar wrap.

Our closer for The Porny Express comes from famed queer porn star, Quinn Cassidy, who directed his real life boyfriend to be teased, spanked, tied-up and fucked by ginger stud, Sebastian Keys in an Oakland bike collective. With help from our own, Miss Poppy Cox!

With amazing performances, interactive games and frequent opportunities for more joyful exploration before and after each screening!

WHEW! Did ya get all that? Its a whole lot of great, inspiring bicycle pornography and it is only available when it happens live among your bikesexual peers! We bring it to you and you get to meet other fun loving people who want better sex and better transportation. Everyone wins!!

Many of the films have incredible production values, but many are also slapdash nuggets of bikesexual brilliance. Our new trailer shows some of our favorite moments from this year and last.

This year, not only are all the movies inspired by the joy and liberation of sex and cycling, but the North American tour itself is human powered! This has not happened since the original Cascadian Bike Porn tour of 2007 and is an exciting challenge for our spunky team.

In 1891 intrepid riders spirited across the untamed landscape of the Western United States. Dubbed the Pony Express, they brought news from afar they connected disparate communities. This year Bike Smut will travel along a differently dangerous path. Braving extreme conditions and xenophobia we will ride our bikes more than 5,000 miles to bring this unique content.

Help us get on the right track. Connect your friends with us via these social media outlets so they may also enjoy these simple pleasures:

Did ya see the show? What did you think? Would you like to host a show? Leave us a comment and tell us what we did right and what you want for next year!

Hop on The Porny Express! 

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