HAWT DAMN! We just had a hell of a show in the sleepy Ashland. What a great space! Thanks!


Now its on!

Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
Friday and Saturday, February 19th and 20th
Roxie Theatre
3117 16th street
11:20 pm, both nights, $9.75, +18

From Ashland, Oregon to the Calipornification

This Thursday we have a show in Ashland, then SF, Oakland, Davis, Santa Cruz, and Santa Barbara... then we have a day off.

Then Claremont, Downtown LA, Long Beach, San Diego, Tijuana (we hope!)

Then we have a day off.

Its gonna be like that for a while. Expect some pretty lame/shoddy posts and lots of speeling errors.

but we are pretty fucking stoked to be getting some supportive press. If the fine ass people at Flavorpill liked last year they are gonna have their ears pulled back

ASHLAND
Thursday, February 18th
Where?House

240 Hersey street (Bizness Park) # 14.

doors at 8pm, $3 Donation, +18
7pm Group ride from Ashland Plaza

*See, like that pic, we are way too busy.

Erotic Film Fests Abound!

Happy Fucking Valentines Day.

We mean that in a good way, that you might have some fucking sex. Good fucking sex at that. If not with someone else consider using the appropriate tool.

Good Vibrations in San Francisco is one of the largest, longest running and yet still respectable sex shops anywhere. They have great ethics and they are big fans of Bike Porn offering up great prizes to people who are willing to play our games.

Now they are offering up MONEY! fucking bling bling dolla dolla, make you holla holla cash green machine if ya know what i mean.

==========================================

CALLING ALL INDEPENDENT FILMMAKERS!

Submit your short erotic-themed film to Good Vibrations Independent Erotic Film Festival and you may end up a star! Whether you’re a professional artiste, art student, budding filmmaker, or just having fun with your Flipcam, we want to see your stuff! What’s erotic? You tell us! Funny, serious, gay, straight, if you think it’s hot, we want to see it in 7 minutes or less. Our 2010 Grand Prize Winner will receive $1,500 at the Castro Theatre in San Francisco on September 23rd! Submission deadline is June 30, 2010. Visit www.gv-ixff.org for official Rules and Regulations.

==========================================

Ok, so we're jealous. We want to be able to give away big prizes and wads... of dollar bills. We even have a plan for profit sharing for filmmakers! Well not so much a plan as a vision. But presently we dont have much, but if you are a struggling something-or-other uh, how you say... filmmaker, than you might consider doing something really great and getting paid.

If not our call for entries is even earlier: May 10th 2010. And we haven't even had the official internerd announcement yet. But just you wait, the artwork on this is the stuff coconut dream cream pies are made of.

The Backlash Tour - Circum sizing America's Limp Dick

Finally we are bringing the goods back to the hoods. We are stoked to announce our most challenging tour schedule ever.

So dramatic was the response to this years work, so powerful the determination of the viewers to help it along that we have little choice but to deliver the goods... CON FUERTE!

We picked up a half dozen groupies during the Chain Whip Tour and though it was not our intention we are well on our way to a sort of Grateful Dead like caravan of bikesexuality.

Will you ride the bike porn train until it hurts?

Behold the Backlash Tour, February - June 2010

British Columbia
2/5 Vancouver
2/6 Victoria

Oregon
2/11/2010 Portland
2/15/2010 Eugene
2/16/2010 Ashland

California
2/17/2010 Sacramento
2/18/2010 Davis
2/19/2010 San Francisco
2/20/2010 San Francisco
2/21/2010 Oakland
2/22/2010 Santa Cruz
2/24/2010 Santa Barbara
2/26/2010 Claremont UV
2/27/2010 Los Angeles
2/28/2010 Long Beach
3/1/2010 San Diego

Mexico
3/2/2010 Tijuana

Arizona
3/3/2010 Tempe
3/4/2010 Tucson
3/6/2010 Bisbee

Texas
3/9/2010 San Antonio
3/10/2010 Austin
3/11/2010 Denton
3/12/2010 Houston

Louisiana
3/13/2010 New Orleans

Alabama
3/15/2010 Mobile

Florida
3/16/2010 Pensacola
3/17/2010 Tallahassee
3/18/2010 Gainesville
3/19/2010 Orlando
3/20/2010 Tampa
3/24/2010 Jacksonville

South Carolina
3/25/2010 Savannah

Georgia
3/26/2010 Atlanta

North Carolina
3/27/2010 Asheville
3/31/2010 Carrboro

Virginia
4/2/2010 Richmond

Dist of Columbia
4/6/2010 Washington DC

Maryland
4/8/2010 Baltimore

Pennsylvania
4/10/2010 Philadelphia

New Jersey
4/12/2010 New Brunswick

New York
4/16/2010 Brooklyn
4/17/2010 NYC

Rode Island
4/19/2010 Providence

Massachusetts
4/21/2010 Boston

New York (again)
4/22/2010 Troy

Quebec
4/23/2010 Montreal

Ontario
4/24/2010 Ottawa
4/25/2010 Toronto

New York (yet again)
4/26/2010 Buffalo

Pennsylvania
4/27/2010 Pittsburgh

Ohio
4/28/2010 Columbus

Michigan
4/29/2010 Ann Arbor
4/30/2010 Detroit

Illinois
5/1/2010 Chicago

(the rest of the schedule is in flux so treat the dates as a guide not a rule)

Wisconsin
5/3/2010 Milwaukee
5/4/2010 Madison

Minnesota
5/7/2010 Minneapolis

Manitoba
5/12/2010 Winnipeg

Saskatchewan
5/14/2010 Regina
5/15/2010 Saskatoon

Alberta
5/16/2010 Edmonton
5/17/2010 Calgary

Montana
5/20/2010 Bozeman
5/20/2010 Missoula

Washington
5/22/2010 Spokane
5/29/2010 Bellingham
6/9/2010 Olympia

WHEW!

This is a tentative list and many of the dates are not set, but we are still adding more shows all the time. Welcome aboard Santa Barbara!

This list is.... intimidating. We can't possibly connect to all the cool bikers in all those cities. We need you to tell your friends! No one shows up because we say we are cool. But your friends will believe you. Give a little bike love to a distant friend today!

all color photos bikesmut.com copyleft

Its hard, but then its soft, but then its quiet but then its loud!

enjoy this bit of soft, sultry SFW video (not sure if the audio is SFW, but the video is)



Thanks SLCZed for this contribution! It is kinda strange and erotic and we like it

Plotting a course to Porn Part 2

With the Chain Whip Tour complete the Bike Smut Industries would love to take a break but as there are countless screaming bikesexual infidels on the verge of an emotional collapse for lack of erotic bike culture we simply cannot slow down.

Thus we priming the chambers that shall hold our impressive tubes.

After our Mini Bike Winter Opening Gala (including a DIY Stencil Station, "Should bikes save the planet?" panel discussion and a lineup of excellent bike movies including a great documentary on Victoria, BC's own Velo Vixens.


Then on Monday the 15th we kickoff the Backlash Tour by hosting a lecture and screening in Eugene. Then on Tuesday the 16th we are working with the Ashland Bike Polo Society to put on a screening in a warehouse. (HELP! We still need chairs!)

Then we bust a nut into California and show the goods at the Bike Kitchen in Sacramento on Wednesday. Then mix it up with the folks of Davis on Thursday (we think they will pull it together) then we return to the Roxie Theater to do 2 BIG shows in San Francisco on Friday and Saturday Feb 19th-20th.

Oakland? Santa Cruz? You are both on the bubble.

Ready and willing are the various students of Pitzer College. Last year their exuberance included a naked ride (which has become a regular activity) a camping trip, and a variety of other pubic displays.

We plan to be invading their space February 24-26th or so.
Then into central Los Angeles, playing a show at the TOW on Saturday and hitting up the Long Beach Art Theater on Sunday, Feb 28th.

Then we sprint all the way down to San Diego for a show on March 1st. It may be dubious that we get to play Tijuana but there is always a possibility.

We will tell you about our next leg soon. But if you are in the south you are on notice!

If you have a calendar feel free to mark it. Oh, here you go: http://bikesmut.com/schedule.html Still in development, but pretty keen eh?

Vancouver REmembered

How does it feel to be loved by cascadia? Well bookstores are awesome and frequently have zines and they are also awesome.


And tall bikes seem to be pretty common/porn worthy





When it lived in NYC this was quite possibly the fastest tall bike in the city. Now its just back to probably being the fastest tall bike in a Vancouver garage. Pretty tarck worthy, with big gears, bladed carbon fork, light stiff steel, and enough height that you only have to worry about the side view mirrors on delivery trucks clipping your handlebars.you can also see the head tube is also bladed for extra reinforcement. We used to have those similar spinergy Sprox wheels that are made with noodle like spokes of kevlar. A special tool is required to true the wheels (naturally, fuckers)


We didnt't go inside this place with glowing meats, and dancing pigs but we hear its BIG. instead we picked up material at DressSew just down the street. A new screen for projecting movies onto will be available soon!



you have a dirty mind, that is why you came to this blog. its ok to admit it.



actually we were able to make some decent coin off our little show in Vancouver. Great turnout and lots of excited bikers wanting to make some of their own bike porn! But yea the Olympics are still pretty fucked.

Thanks Vancvouver!

Pictures from Victoria soon,

PreBacklash Cascadian Bikesmut Tour Report

WOW! incredible shows!

thanx Vancouver and Victoria!

man, we love getting sporty and active but the Olympics are totally fucked!

We are stunned that we could be fined $10,000 for not wearing the right clothes! any signs, buttons or displays of anything that not "celebrating" the Olympic games. any sponsors that are not the Official Sponsors.

and specifically bend over for the IOC. The International Committee for Olympic Profit-Motivated DoucheBaggery.





a bit of a media day in downtown Vancouver BC...



but sport is totally alive! It doesn't require a lot of money, or even matching shirts (although they are way cool.)



Sports can be fun without having to exploit resources or evict people. In fact sports are often more enjoyable when you just leave people where they are.




mobetta Brittish Columbia photo journaljizm coming soon!

Touring Porn Stars Need Your Help

ZOWIE! Only Two weeks until we head off on the next great bike porn adventure,

THE BACKLASH TOUR

Did we mention we are setting up 50 shows in 100 days? Not like "one hundred days from now we have to start working on this." No we have to play a show ever other night for 3 months. Who on earth will be willing to join us?

Moreover just booking all these shows is pretty insane. Seriously, touring musical bands have nothing on us. Bands probably have more equipment, but for every new filmmaker that is born there is a theater that dies, or at least it feels that way. And while almost any home can be converted into a space where a few dozen people stand and bop their heads... there are just not many micotheaters out there.

Since we are busting our collective reproductive organs to bring you the greatest collection of sexually charged bicycle video the world has ever known we figured it would be nice for you to help us find the right place to show Bike Porn.

So if you want the Bike Porn Tour to come to your town here are the questions we'd like you to consider

• Do you have any contacts at the various college/universities? Student clubs can request funds, pay us directly (in the biz they call it a "guarantee") and have a theater space set up with the A/V dialed in! Choice!
• How many seats do they have? What is their seating capacity? (For example, a music venues usually don't have more than a couple dozen chairs)
• What are the audience's distractions while watching a 90min movie? Light and noise pollution should be considered. Some places have live music in the adjacent room, or at a club next door, for example. It doesn't have to be absolutely dark and quiet, but make sure you have made those considerations.
• Do they have speakers, amps, a receiver, projector and cables in the room or will we have to set that up? We carry some of this equipment but setting up can be a challenge. FYI we usually use a miniDV deck with composite RCA (yellow, red, white) cables.
• Does the venue have an stage area in front of the screen that we can use for the live performances? There is singing and dancing and you will love it!
  
• How committed is the venue to bikes and sex? How about their patrons? Would they be willing to send out an announcement to help pimp it?
• What costs are there? Rental? Split? Donation? How will we collect funds?
• After the show where can we crash? There are usually 3-6 sexy bikers who need to sleep sometimes. Help us avoid dying in a flaming auto collision. We aren't some touring band ya know. (nothing against touring bands who want to die in a flaming car wreck, its just not our scene)
  

If you have thought of all that and want us to come to your city email bikesmut@gmail.com and let us know you got this. Eventually we will ask you to have this info:

• Date
• Venue Name
• Venue Address
• Time
• Cost of Admission
• Age Restriction (+18? +21?)
• Additional Info (e.g. "bike ride to venue leaving from X-place at Y-time")

When you complete this kit and confirm with us we will send you a flier of your very own! Tell all your friends! Be the 1st kid on your block to host Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound. Get your parents permission... it's fun to watch their expression!



Okay that should cover it. We are very grateful for your help. You can now see why we need great people in every city we play.

Auto Ass Fixy Nation

The time will come when all this "promotion of an independently created film festival trying to encourage cycling and make bikers more aware of issues and ideas regarding sex" will turn into just a lot of ranting about shit that is only barely related.

Today we take another step in that unavoidable direction.

We are frequently are told to inform the public about ideas regarding other forms of transportation.

Regardless, we are not all the interested in Car Porn. It's not that we are opposed to getting dirty with machines, but we like the grease more than the soot. Moreover, car's are possibly the MOST common, MOST inhuman thing out there. They do not play well with others and it seems the majority has just accepted that collisions will kill 46,000 people in the United States every year.

Sure, we had our share of wild automotive flings back in the day, but that was a college thing.

Of course, given the nature of the internets PLUS some not-horribly-impressive DIY creativity someone was bound to help those poor car fuckers who could not help themselves:

The best way to have sex with a car, however, is not raw. You need the following equipment:

1 Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit.

If you don't have one, you can get one through me (Dekhyr,
[redacted]) or you can attempt to build one yourself. The SIU is essentially a tube made of foam rubber, rolled such that the inner diameter is slightly smaller than the diameter of your erect penis. When lubricated, it acts as a sexual interface to whatever you attach it to. In this case, it is inserted into the tailpipe of the car you want to have sex with.

To build one, you will need black electrical tape, a 'Koozie',
a can of soda, and a hefty pair of scissors. A 'Koozie' is a foam rubber dingumbob in which you put a soda. It keeps the soda cold and your hand warm. Being a 'give-away' item, you usually can't find it anywhere. I've had reports of finding them in liquor stores. I've actually found a good deal of them at a local discount-type store.

Read more here

Its not our place to judge one kink over another. As they say: different strokes. We have seen gay cars, consensual bicycles on motor cycles, and most every kind of car "topped" by a variety of butch mountain bikes. But everyone has a breaking point. An idea that takes us from, "well that's ok, if you are into that kind of thing" to "someone call Department of Stopping Fucked-up Shit!"

We feel the need to draw the line on violent forced motorized fellatio upon other, more vulnerable forms of transportation.

No.

This. Must. Stop.

Now.

We've told you damn beasts for years. Consent is sexy. When will you learn!?!?


Just to prove we haven't gone totally prude on you we should disclose that we have been flirting with the idea of mass transit porn, but bridge porn seem so much more... mature.



Well maybe a bunch of bikers crossing the bridge is not sexy as sticking your dick inside a tailpipe, but then again maybe we should let the succinct Andy Singer describe why we think bikes are almost alway more sexy than cars.

We say enough Auto-asphyxiation!

There is enough car porn out there, and we only have two weeks until the Backlash Tour heads South!

Lets get back to the promoting the positive, to pimping the good, to sharing the tightest biker shorts ever! Yes it is time to pump our asses all over town.