Alaskan Bikesexual Photos!

We are living the Alaska bikesexual lifestyle!

For the past two weeks we have been enjoying the benefits of an Alaska Summer, with 22 hours of sun (followed by an hour of sunset and an hour of sunrise, everyday) and 80 degree weather, (possibly due to global warming if yr into that kind of thing)

The vastness of rad folk have made it easy to forget about this humble blog which has been keeping tabs on the bikesexual revolution for the past 7 years!

These pics and lots more are available on the BikeSmut.tumblr.com

Impalin' Palin an airborne bikesexual fantasy

Behold scenes from our newest Bike Smut venture:

Impalin' Palin

an airborne bikesexual fantasy

For those who were not aware, Bike Smut is currently plotting amazing adventures in Alaska! We have a couple shows in the works. You can expect pictures from the cabin party show soon, but until then we are committed to adding crazy to the mix.

You remember Nailin' Pailin, right? No? Here's a little reminder snipped from Bike Smut supporter, Violet Blue


Two RUSSIAN SOLDIERS in long trench coats and fur lined hats.
RUSSIAN 1: (brushing snow from coat) Previet! We hate to trouble you but I'm afraid we have a flat tire.
SERRA peeks through a window next to the door. We see a smoldering Russian tank crashed into a tree in her front lawn. She shoots them a skeptical stare.
RUSSIAN 2: We were wondering if we could use your phone to call the Kremlin.
SERRA: I'm sorry fellas, I don't speak Russian.
(...)
RUSSIAN 1: Knock knock.
SERRA: Who's there?
RUSSIAN 1: Sherwood.
SERRA: Sherwood who?
RUSSIAN 1: Sure would like you to come over here and [redacted] [redacted] [redacted].
SERRA smiles. She slowly crawls across the floor.

Of course trying to improve on the existing work is no small challenge. There has been many hard training sessions.


We are still casting. Danny Macaskill get back at us!

Willy Wonker and the Obscenity Factory

Recently a particular bicycle pornographer's "wang" was held on high on some other bike related website "above the fold" as it were.

Witnessing the torrent of comments has often been an exciting pastime for those who fully endorse the culture of hating. This proved to different, as some were lauding the lasciviousness while others were judgmental of the junk and those who would share it.

To respond Bike Smut's crack team of investigators spent nearly a quarter-hour trying to capture the image as it was seen on most people's computers.

Did you miss that? We have heard this pornographer's penis might be too small for legal action, but no topic is too small for the determined people who are clearly the only ones "thinking of the children" while reading about bicycle pornography.

To assist those who could not see the 16 x 19 image (so small it, in fact, broke tumbler) our team worked for nearly another eighth of an hour to digitally enhance the #offensivePenis.  If you are reading this on your work computer at work with your boss looking over your shoulder just looking for a reason to fire you then you will probably loose your job in 3, 2, 1, and

Yr fired.

Bike Smut should stop there, but since we are not beholden to the shameful nature of patriarchal society, we are about to share with you an even larger version of this monstrosity. Using the powers of Blogger (whom at this very moment are inventing a new form of technology that will make this blog less accessible) we have expanded this image to nearly its full potential. Were you to ride your bike naked in Portland tonight you might experience this horror...

Nevermind if you are at home or even already masturbating in the bathroom, if you look at this image everyone you know will certainly loose their jobs. You have been warned...

Trying to track the unemployment caused by this event is no small task. Driven to learn about transportation and forced to examine genitalia for hours, the vast number of Portland's "wonks" (aka "transportation advocates") will likely all be unemployed within the hour, but that is not the worst of it. Unemployment could reach an all time high this weekend. The Internet is about to become a flurry of naked bikers as torrents of photos plague the otherwise diligently working population of Portland.

Our economic-bikesexual industry correspondent, Ali Blubal, warned of a potential "end of times" style economic downturn.

We are really flirting with disaster because while sure, those peni and cliteri are flaccid now what happens when they catch a little breeze? Will they stay limp? If not the situation could turn ugly.  or will there be a photograph of We don't know if it will be just a small bump, a serious pothole or if the economy is actually going to plummet into a vast nether regional abyss.

Possibly the only way to turn this situation around would be for the Mayor to declare a state of naked emergency. At that point Charlie Hales would have a few options, he could try to tell the police to use their batons to fight back the erect penises, but a more progressive idea is to actually embrace the penal onslaught. Could hiring all the underemployed photographers jump start the flailing economy?
 Perhaps, but we expect the economy to spiral causing more people to give up their jobs, and those people having no money will likely turn to naked cycling for entertainment, which of course will cause more people to loose their jobs. We may witness the end of capitalism before the end of the summer.

Thankfully Bike Smut is about to unveil their 2-step recovery program for those affected by the OffensivePenis. Details are still be worked out but it goes a little like this.
 

Help the world's largest herd of bike dicks n cunts

Soon the joy of riding naked will be yours! In cities all over the world bodies are demanding being seen as beautiful, a rejection of isolating car culture AND those that seek to profit from feeding insecurities.

If you happen to live in Portland we need your help to make our ride more fabulous. We expect there to be more than 5 thousand people riding as bare as they dare. This is the biggest naked bike ride in the entire universe (at least in our solar system) and it is happening this Saturday night!

The night will be warm (high 70s that day) and magical.

We expect a huge turnout and we REALLY need more volunteer help!

We need people to wander though the crowd asking for donations. We need volunteers to help  B-Line check bags and help keep an eye on trash before the ride leaves. We need ride along mechanics.

Here is a complete list of the help we need: Volunteers needed

Click the "Sign up to Volunteer" button and follow your passion.

We meet at the Portland Art Museum at SW Madison and Park. Volunteers need to check in no later than 9:30 at our table.

Admission to the Cyclepedia exhibit is $1.00 per article of clothing from 8:00 pm to 10:00 that night.

Ride for your lives, its the World Naked Bike Ride!!

Nudity in the streets? Smiles and high-fives between strangers? Skateboards, bikes, roller skates and unicycles traveling together in harmony?!? What is going on?!?

Its the World Naked Bike Ride!

(aka WNBR)

What on earth or skies above could compel reasonable humans to shed their clothing and parade around naked in public view?

The answers may be as varied as the body shapes riding but here are a few popular answers:

• To encourage active bodies and healthy communities
• To protest oil dependence and car culture
• To crush patriarchy
• To have fun!

Ride on June 8th in many places around the Northern Hemisphere:

• Portland - Portland Art Museum pre-party doors at 8pm, $1 per piece of clothing, ride at 10pm, Volunteer to help!
• Los Angeles - Downtown LA body painting at noon
• San Francisco 
• Chicago 
• Mexico City Lisbon, Portugal
• London

Some places will ride naked on other days
Brussels: June 15
Toronto: June 15
Austin: June 15
Halifax: July 13
Philly:  August 25

Dont see your city here? Well you can plan a ride and add your ride to the list!

Naked cycling is a virtuous cycle; the more people who do it, the safer and more fun it is!

Bike Smut has proudly been supporting the WNBR before either Bike Smut, or the WNBR actually existed! Try to wrap your brain around that historical nugget.

Media via BikePortland.org, CycloNudista.be, and the Austin WNBR

Come Find Me - World Premiere!

Soon we will break a mold we have used without failure for seven years. Seven years of only live sharing our of movies. No DVD sales. No online distribution. We didn't even allow ourselves to trust any members of media.

But now something has changed. We have made excellent connections with radical allies that have helped us do this right. We are offing a DVD and folks are taking notice!

Jerome Stuart Nichols' review was dripping with earnest appreciation:

There’s something incredibly sexy about a woman who knows what she wants and fucks it. You can tell by the look in Poppy’s eye that she knows what she wants: to fuck Gasper Johnson and cum, a lot.

I always love having sex where laughter’s involved, it means that I’m relaxed. Throughout “Come Find Me" Poppy is running back and forth between excited squeals, guttural moaning and this really fucking adorable giggling.  My favorite scene is the orgasmic face riding scene at the very end. Poppy has a crazy strong orgasm and she’s practically seizing on Gasper’s face, which is completely engulfed in her vulva. The whole time she’s cuming, her face is cycling through this crazed collections of expressions. It’s all very lusty, hedonistic and hard-on inducing. Me gusta. 

Thanks for noticing, Poppy does pride herself on her joy of orgasms. Which she frequently will remind those luck to be around her about.

We were also thrilled that the Caitlin Donohue of the SF Bay Guardian also decided to express her joy for the new bikesexual feature:

Come Find Me, with its darling-dark plotline and focus on female orgasm (not to mention use of tire tubes as BDSM tool) will certainly fan the flames for lovers of hot feminist porno. 

The world premiere is tomorrow. With live performances and rad politics we expect our final event in The Bay to burn the patriarchal pants down!

Come Find Me

Saturday, June 1st
Center for Sex and Culture  1349 Mission Street
8 - 10 pm,

 Adults only

Your tickets are available now. Join us!

Porny Express World Premiere

Its nearly arrived!

After a solid year of Turning Trixxx around North America and beyond, promoting bikesexuality from Mazunte to Montreal we are finally making our pilgrimage home to share the bounty.

Bike Smut will be Turning Trixxx no more, forever. But out of the ashes rises a John Holmes-like phoenix set to scatter the sadness from the bike porn-starved lands with our new program of human-powered erotica!

 

It is time to hop on

The Porny Express

June 12

Clinton St Theater

2522 SE Clinton

8:30 pm

$7, 18+ 

tickets on sale now

And what a program we have! The filmmakers live in from Quebec, Chicago, Gainesville, Oakland, Los Angeles, Berkeley, Vancouver, Milan, Geneva, and Berlin!

Many of the films have incredible production values, but many are also slapdash nuggets of bikesexual brilliance. Our new trailer shows some of our favorite moments from this year and last.

This year, not only are all the movies inspired by the joy and liberation of sex and cycling, but the North American tour itself is human powered! This has not happened since the original Cascadian Bike Porn tour of 2007 and is an exciting challenge for our spunky team.

In 1891 intrepid riders spirited across the untamed landscape of the Western United States. Dubbed the Pony Express, they brought news from afar they connected disparate communities. This year Bike Smut will travel along a differently dangerous path. Braving extreme conditions and xenophobia we will ride our bikes more than 5,000 miles to bring this unique content.

Help us start off on the right track. Get your tickets now!
Hop on The Porny Express! 

New Trailer: What is Bike Smut?!?

Finally! It has been too long since we shared a new trailer and this one is pretty amazing!

check it before YouTube pulls it down!

nevermind, they done pulled the buttplug out in a most unfriendly manner.

But fuck YouTube, we got QUEER PORN TUBE! No that website is dead, alas. But thankfully The Internet Archive is eternal (we hope)

It is difficult to explain bike culture or sex culture to a person who has never been in a fun group ride or ever fucked in a strange place. People are made to feel insecure about their choice of transportation and/or their choice about sex. From insecurity comes all manner of emotions but rarely curiosity.

Most people look at bikers and perverts as an other, as something different. When we see more differences than similarities we are given the ability to distance ourselves. "They are not like me; I am not like that." How are we supposed to be able to learn and adapt when we have so many hangups?

This video takes a look at what a lot of people think of when they hear the word "bikes" and the word "porn". Seven years of traveling and screening independent films from all over the world have taught us to keep our minds open, because there always seems to be something new . We hope we can continue to explore the universe with bright-eyed curiosity!

Hell is Frozen - Bike Smut made a DVD

7 years and we have never sold a single DVD. We also never sent out copies to the media. We kept the content and filmmakers safe. If Bike Smut is making a DVD that has all changed! Have the vanguards of ethical porn and radical distribution have fallen? What hath the we wrought?!? Surely a bikesexual hell has frozen over!!

 

Whoa... easy there mr/s judgey-pants. We will address your legitimate concerns about this new limited edition DVD. But you do have reason for excitement. Come Find Me is a Heterosexual-focused, Feminist Porn Collaboration between famed queer porn director, Courtney Trouble and Bike Smut!

"Come Find Me" World Premiere

Exclusive screening and release party info
Saturday, June 1st
Center for Sex and Culture 
1349 Mission Street
8 - 10 pm, $6 get yr presale now!
Adults only
FB event page







You now may watch, for the first time ever, a Bike Smut DVD in the privacy of your home.  WTF?!?

You may be asking yourself, what has happened to your favorite touring festival of erotic bicycle movies? Have they lost their sense of pride? Their decency? Their street cred? Their local credit union?!?

To which we offer a hearty guffaw.  You can't loose something you never had. Decency indeed... Indecency in deed...? No we are not suffering from a financial crisis (any more than normal); we haven't been duped into selling out to some nasty, cheesy, hairy Italian-American porn director (in fact, we hired him as our male lead so that we could turn the tables on male gaze);  and we will still be touring all over in the coming year. We maintain our pledge to protect our filmmaker's anonymity while doing the hard work of creating safe spaces for engaging ethical pornographic content.

We have not cast aside our beliefs on distribution and the importance of bringing communities together to observe and define obscenity FOR THEMSELVES.

What we have done is partner with the world's greatest riot grrl turned independent queer porn star/director: Courtney Trouble! The self made fem has a list of accomplishments as long as our rim and has helped us make a stunningly good feature length porn.




 We won't lie. This DVD is packed full of the hottest bikesexuals you will ever see.

The film will be released as a limited edition of only 300 professional-grade DVDs with handmade packaging, available for purchase on tour with Bike Smut, or online at TROUBLEfilms.Com.

With an adorable, romantic, and kinky storyline, Come Find Me is a bikesexual's dream. This heterosexual porn incorporates a female point of view, kink and expressed consent, authentic sex, and a personality-driven storyline.

Gasper sends his girlfriend Poppy on a bike-powered scavenger hunt ending at an empty house with a gorgeous man ready to ravage her inside out. He binds her with bike tubes, spanks her, and taunts her until she's too wet to stand - and then with an HD cam in hand, Poppy (and award-winning director Courtney Trouble) document an afternoon full of lustful oral sex, fingering, and finally - some deep, desperate, hard core fucking that makes both of them come hard - at last!

A true collaboration, with a narrative shot by Bike Smut real-life couple Poppy Cox and Gasper Johnson  and a gorgeous, high definition, high art sex scene of the two of them.

Courtney Trouble and Bike Smut have created a straight porn flick that stands out from the rest. Challenging the formulaic male gaze of mainstream heterosexual pornography, Come Find Me is a fine example of Feminist Porn, a hot topic in both the adult industry and feminist circles in 2013. Come Find Me features spoken and visual consent patterns, focus on female pleasure, and an altruistic approach to character development that allows you to fall in lust with the woman, and the man. It strays from the stereotypical "porn for women" trope by offering up hard core close ups, rough sex, and HD cinematography along-side it's romantic authenticity.

So what about distribution?  Well we can not tour to every place that demands Bike Smut. The logistics are impossible. We will continue to strive to provide the best bicycle erotica on earth, but now we have a really great movie that you should buy and share with your lover (or bicycle) immediately! Now we have a few new ways to share a totally legit porn that can serve as an introduction to so many of the ideas we have been promoting. Sex positive, expressed consent, creative passion, fucking bikes!

It's clearly a winner for all genders, couples, solo men, solo women, bisexuals, bikesexuals, kink lovers, amateur porn aficionados, and indie porn experts!

ONE NIGHT ONLY!

Get your tickets now!

Thumpa Thumpa Thumpjuice!

So you like bikes, sex and movies depicting these things. You wanted to make a movie but you didn't and now you feel a certain tightness on your chest, like something deep inside you wants to be free. This is because you haven't been able to really get your emotions out! This is your chance to express your deepest, darkest feelings about bikes and sex.

Don't hold back the bike love, let it flow all over the radio!

   

This Friday night tune into Radio Valencia where we will be broadcasting bikesexual Transmissions from the Mission!

Friday May 24
8pm - 10pm
Online all the time at: radiovalencia.fm
Sometimes on 87.9FM when you're in SF near a repeater station.

The specific show is called "Thumpjuice;" they promise to have some hard hitting feminist/sociologists/smarty pants ready to whup on Bike Smut's mission and methods.
 
Explore DIY mayhem and trashpicked 45's from the safety of your home!

Podcast link post show (please wait at least 36 hours): http://radiovalencia.fm/podcasts/?show=busterandthumpershow